RWYA

Tuesday, 30th March 2004

As we pack up our house ready to leave Indonesia, our staff are keen to pick up anything which we don't want to take with us. But it's not the big things which are important to them - today Sutarmi asked if she could have the plastic tub which I use as a sand pit for Elizabeth. It cost me about £1, but for Sutarmi it is a prized possession.

Thursday, 25th March 2004

Again, RWYA features our wonderful and talented Jaga - Rohajo. I asked him to finish cleaning the aquarium, which essentially meant filling the tank and putting the fish back in - easy. Ten minutes later, and there is a knock on the door, and "Sorry missus, ikan dead, air panas" (translated = "Sorry missus, dead fish, hot water"). Good old Rohajo has managed to kill all the fish by putting them back in the tank, which he has filled with hot water from the tap.....RWYA

Friday, 19th March 2004

A short stopover in Singapore before returning back to Balikpapan after another holiday - and we bump into some other expats walking in the town centre (a surprisingly common occurrence in Singapore). Any changes in Balikpapan, we ask? Oh no - nothing has changed - everything is the same as normal - oh (almost forgot) - except for an outbreak of Dengue fever (a fatal disease carried by mosquitos). After SARS, bird flu, wars and bombs, it's easy to overlook these life-threatening things and take it all as part and parcel of living in Indonesia!

Saturday, 22nd November 2003

Conversation in decorating/stenciling shop in Jakarta:

Shop Assistant: Do you speak Indonesian

Me: Sedikit (a little)

Shop Assistant: (pointing to some 'glow in the dark' stickers) Ini 'glow in the dark'.

Boy was I pleased to be able to speak Indonesian...!

Tuesday 18th November, 2003

As Christmas Island doesn't have any cash machines (and we were due to arrive over the weekend), we were advised to bring some Australian Dollars with us. Another trip to the BCA bank... where lo and behold - the foreign exchange desk! Lots of exchange rates were advertised, so I thought I would give it a go and ask for some Australian dollars.... 'no sorry, we don't have any.' Undeterred, I thought I would ask for some US dollars - we have a US dollar account with them, and I figured that I could change them for Aussie dollars eaiser than Indonesian Rupiah.... 'no sorry, we don't have any. Maybe you can come back tomorrow.' (I went back twice, and finally walked away with US$500 - but surely it should bave been easier!)

Wednesday, 9th July 2003

As you can imagine, certain things are difficult to get hold of in Borneo, and we have to bring them over from Singapore or the UK... nappies that don't leak, baby sleep-suits, marmite, chocolate biscuits, books.... But even though Indonesia is a country of immense natural resource, there are some things that you can't really get hold of, even though they are grown or made here - we are snobbish and buy our coffee from Starbucks in Singapore (even though it is grown in Sulawesi), and now my pembantu has made a request for me to buy more fresh nutmeg from Singapore! Now, wasn't it nutmeg that attracted the Dutch to colonise these islands, leading to the Dutch East Indies prior to Indonesian independence? Then why is the nutmeg here of such poor quality that I have to buy it from Singapore instead?

Sunday, 6th July 2003

The heavens have opened for the past few weeks, and serious improvisation is the order of the day if an Indonesian is to keep dry whilst on his motorbike. If there is no mud guard, simply make one - using a very large leaf!

Sunday, 6th July 2003

Why do all the expat babies and young kids have cold baths? Are the parents too mean to heat the water? Is it more refreshing than a hot bath? No - it's because Indonesians do not normally wash with hot water, and so when the pembantu baths the children, she uses cold water!

with many thanks to Iona Davidson.

Sunday, 30th June 2003

I have just been reminded of another finger-printing story.... Finger-prints are an essential part of identification in the form filling process - even little babies have their prints taken in Balikpapan. One expat was having his prints done, but the ink didn't take properly, and the middle 3 fingers were missing from the print. Not to worry - the official was happy to oblige with prints from his own middle fingers.... RWYA!

with many thanks to Keith Muir.

Tuesday, 9th June 2003

I have recently discovered the play area in KFC in Balikpapan - there is a slide, a tunnel and a trampoline. Now, the optimum time to visit is a bit tricky. Come at lunchtime, and you will be beseiged by Indonesians, wanting to touch Elizabeth (she's not too keen on this), but come too early in the morning and the rat droppings will still be in the play area not yet cleaned away....!

Friday, 18th April 2003

Good Friday, and it is good to see some of the traditions of the UK carry through into Asia - hot cross buns were on sale in Deli-Cafe today. Except they didn't have any crosses. And they weren't hot, because they didn't have a toaster. So, buns then. But they tasted fantastic!

Friday, 18th April 2003

And what is the other thing which you are all buying on Good Friday? Easter eggs of course! Now, whilst we were in the UK, we were told of how our great niece Jessica would have more eggs than you could possibly imagine - but the same is not true for the expat kids. Someone has snapped up all of the eggs, leaving the kids to imagine what the chocolate tastes of...

Saturday, 11th January 2003

You may be aware of my feelings on green - well here is another example - green toasting bread. But what is especially good about this stuff, is that there is 'no artificial colour' - click on the picture, and you can see for yourself! ...RWYA

Friday, 10th January 2003

We've hit the digital age, and bought a DVD player. A friend of mine was asking whether it played discs from the US, or whether it only played local DVDs - I told her that I bought it from Toko HongKong, our much loved local electrical store, and Mr HongKong (not his real name) 'de-zones' all DVD players before he sells them - makes it easier for the pirated discs....RWYA

Thursday, 9th January 2003

Until now, you have only been able to take out 1,000,000Rp per transaction at the ATM. It may sound a lot, but in a society where everything is paid for in cash, it doesn't go far - it is, after all, about £80. But good news - the ATM will now allow you to withdraw 1,250,000Rp per transaction.... but in my experience, whenever I have selected 1,250,000Rp, I have got 1,000,000Rp.... I wasn't too bothered about it - but today, I selected 1,000,000RP, and got 1,250,000Rp......RWYA

Tuesday, 7th January 2003

As you would expect, I always strap Elizabeth into her car seat whenever we travel anywhere by car, but in doing so, I am exposing a great difference between expats and Indonesians. Stopped at the traffic lights today, I noticed an Indonesian baby - not in a car seat, but lying in a sling, which was tied to his mother, who was on the back of a motorbike. Thankfully, she wasn't riding side-saddle! Needless to say, many babies are given their bottles whilst going along...

Friday, 26th July 2002

Today's speciality at the bakery is mini-croissants - some are filled with chocolate, some are filled with cheese. So - on choosing 10 of each, the assistant puts all 20 in a bag, and it becomes lucky dip as to whether you will get a cheese or chocolate one...

with many thanks to Michele Whyte.

Sunday, 22nd June 2002

One of the hazards of living in a developing country is the water - you simply would not expect to drink the tap water in Indonesia, as it it not safe. So, everyone buys bottled water (called 'Aqua')... except that now some tests have shown that some of the bottles are contaminated with bacteria. In truth, it is probably bottles that have been refilled with non-Aqua water, but even so!

Sunday, June 1st 2002

Football fever has hit Balikpapan and thankfully, all the matches are being screened on local Indonesian TV. But just after England score against Sweden, the screen goes blank, to be replaced by the call to prayer....luckily coverage resumed after a couple of minutes!

Tuesday, May 28th 2002

Recently, the stories on RWYA have been about the mild inconveniences of life in the tropics, and I was beginning to get complacent about how pleasant and easy life was becoming in Indonesia....until today. After our long weekend in Bali and a stopover in Surabaya, we arrived at the airport at 5.00am, ready for our 6.00am flight. Check-in was proceeding smoothly, until I was asked how old Elizabeth was - "2 months", I replied. I was then told I would need a doctor's certificate for her to fly, as she was less than 3 months old. Normally at this stage, the official would simply not bother to pursue the issue, or an opportunity would present to get through the situation financially, but today, this was not to be. We all had to troop to the nearest doctor (it is still only 5.20am), which was a ten minute drive away in the nearest kampung, where a doctor checked Elizabeth's heart rate and pulse for 40,000Rp. The irony is, that in visiting the doctor, Elizabeth's health was put at greater risk - the doctors surgery (as with the rest of the kampung) was infested with mosquitoes....RWYA

Monday, 20th May 2002

Following the RWYA about flour, seives and weavils... whilst making some muffins, I noticed a few bits when seiving the flour, so I decided to sift the entire (previously unopened) bag. The picture on the right shows what was left in the seive afterwards....

Sunday, 12th May 2002

Sundays often involve a trip to the beach and 'Le Batakan' - Total's beach club. It sounds far grander than it really is... Today, when we arrived, we were told that there was a dead rat in the children's paddling pool, which was causing a little bit of concern amongst the parents. But to be honest, no-one was really too concerned, after all, it was only a small rat..!

with many thanks to Fred Febvre.

Sunday, 5th May 2002

Sometimes it is the natural things that can make living in Indonesia difficult. Last night, I woke up at about 2.15 am (not because of ELizabeth), but because a mosquito had bitten my shoulder in eight different places, and was extremely itchy. Of course, I couldn't get back to sleep, knowing that Elizabeth would soon want a feed.... I got back to sleep at 3.30 am, to be woken up at 6 am, by the loudest crack of thunder I have ever heard. Back to sleep at 6.30 am, after half an hour of thunder, lightning and torrential rain... to be woken up by Elizabeth at 7 am.....

Monday, 22nd April 2002

This happened a while ago, but wiring a plug today reminded us of it.... When we bought a toaster, the shop owner offered to rewire it with an Indonesian plug, which we accepted, because it makes it a lot easier to plug in to Indonesian sockets! So - the shop owner told his assistant to change the plug, which he happily did.... unfortunately not knowing how to do so: the earth wire was wired to the live pin, and the live wire was left loose, with bits of frayedlive wires sticking out of the plug. And then came the testing.... he plugged it in and switched the toaster on (I stood back). Not surprisingly, it didn't work, so another assistant touched the toaster and got an electric shock. She got another assistant to do the same... and she got a shock. She then got the owner to do the same... he also got a shock - but not as much as the assistant who had wired the plug, who was promptly slapped about the face! (I watched on as a different assistant wired the plug properly, and can now have toast every morning in safety!)

Thursday, 11th April 2002

As you are probably aware, we employ a gardener called Rohajo, who is (not surprisingly) paid to look after the garden. Alex tells me that every month, I rant about something he has done, or more usually something he hasn't done, and this month is no exception. Today, I decided that I was fed up that my pots of growing herbs kept dying from lack of water, and so I got Alex to ask Rohajo to water them. What followed was an elaborate act of taking each pot to the tap (even though there was a hose attached), where he watered them (using the hose), and then, with the assistance of his friend, he brought them back, and left them in direct sunlight to dry out again! Now, where else in the world would you employ a gardener, who you had to tell to water the plants, and even then couldn't manage it properly?

Thursday, 28th February 2002

Shopping in Singapore for the Balikpapan expat is not the same as for most people - trips to Marks & Spencers, Starbucks, Carrefour (amongst others) are the norm, with items for purchase selected on the availability in Balikpapan, as well as size and weight. Today, Linda needed a seive - hers was broken, and a new one couldn't be found in Balikpapan. Unfortunately, the only one for sale had relatively big holes, which may be ideal for getting air into your flour (and cakes).... but no use at all for sifting out the weavils.....RWYA!

Saturday, 2nd February 2002

Getting from A to B in Borneo sometimes involves going via C, D, E, F...... For example, the flight that linked Balikpapan with Brunei and then Kota Kinabalu (resort in the Malaysian part of Borneo) was cancelled last year. This leaves a number of options on how to get there: via Jakarta and Kuala Lumpur; via Singapore and Kuala Lumpur; via Surabaya and Brunei; via Surabaya and Bali; via Pontianak and Kuching; or via Tarakan and Tawo. Each option involves 3 flights, most involve an overnight stay, and typically you must travel hundreds of miles zig-zagging South East Asia....just to fly from one side of the island to the other! But we will go there. One day!!

Friday, 1st February 2002

The Totalfinaelf 'Welcome Seminar' finds a group of French expats staying in the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Yogyakarta. Because the lift was taking so long to arrive, an expat decided to use the stairs, noticing the usual 'In case of fire, do not use lift, use stairs' sign. On reaching the ground floor, there was no exit... so our intrepid expat had to go up one level by the stairs, to come down again....by lift.....RWYA

with many thanks to Pascal Colombani.

Thursday, 24th January 2002

It is very easy to be lulled into a false sense of security, and forget that this is Balikpapan. For example, I was told that Total would provide me with a changing table for the baby, which would fit nicely into either our bathroom or shower-room - all I had to do was give them a call. Which I did... and a man came around to measure up... coming to the conclusion that the only place for it was the walkway between the sink and the toilet.... I pointed out that this would be a little bit inconvenient, and suggested that he made it to fit in another space, and he agreed. However, I wasn't at all surprised when it was delivered a week later.... and the only place it fits is the walkway between the sink and the toilet....RWYA (it is currently in the shower - and three weeks later, the paint fumes from it can still be smelt outside the shower-room, even with the door closed.....!)

Tuesday, 22nd January 2002

The latest news in Balikpapan is that you can now buy APS films for your camera! Of course, you can't have it developed here - you still have to go to Singapore for that....RWYA!

Monday, 14th January 2002

A neighbouring expat bought some plants for the garden and asked her Jaga to plant them. He did - but despite being asked many times, he wouldn't transplant them from the buckets they came in. Why? Because the expats only stay here for 2 years, after which the Jaga can take the plants out of the garden and sell them.... and it's so much easier when they are still in their pots and their roots haven't spread!

with many thanks to Tracy Poulet.

Tuesday, 25th December 2001

Christmas Day brings the usual problems of trying to work out how to get the kids' toys working - just as much in Balikpapan as elsewhere. One of the expat kids was given a computer game, and in common with most software in Indonesia, this was a pirate copy from the local department store. Unfortunately, the security code provided with the game didn't seem to work... so the kid in question said: "I know Dad, I'll just try the code from this other pirate game I have..." ....and Bingo!

with many thanks to Stuart Davidson.

Saturday, 21st December 2001

Christmas is approaching, and an opportunity for the lads to go to the Borneo Bar, for some serious drinking. Alex decided to show a new expat, with his two sons who were over in Balikpapan on holiday, how to have a good time (very generous of him). The father advised the kids to be careful with some of the local ladies who frequent the bar, but the kids were already clued up: "Don't worry Dad, we know - you could catch Hepatitis Alphabet from that lot!"

with many thanks to Mike Rothwell.

Thursday, 13th December 2001

Today, something that I see everyday and accept as normal, suddenly jumped out at me as being uniquely Balikpapan. It is quite simple - in the UK, we expect all vehicles to have white lights at their fronts, with red tail lights and brake lights, orange flashing indicators and white reversing lights. This array is optional in Balikpapan: the headlights are nearly always white, but the lights on the rear of the vehicle are just as likely to consist of other combinations, such as white and green tail lights, with a blue flashing brake light.... very confusing... RWYA

Saturday, 17th November 2001

In common with many expatriate families in Total, we employ a 'jaga', someone who comes everyday to do the gardening and sleeps outside the house overnight to watch for intruders. We often wonder why we bother - the garden doesn't look particularly good, he doesn't always turn up and rarely wakes up when we come home late. He has recently bought a new motorbike, which he cleans religiously every evening, and then takes around the back of the house when he has a kip. So his bike is nice and safe, but what about our house?!

Sunday, 7th October 2001

Pizza Hut has made it to Balikpapan! Trust me, this is a big deal - there have been rumours of McDonalds, and we have KFC, but nothing (in my mind) beats a pizza.

So - we decided to pay a visit, three days after opening. There was a bit of a queue, but we were shown to a table within 5 minutes. We ordered our food, and the waitress checked back the order. She served the starter, and when we finished she served the pizza. Then she gave us the bill, we paid her, and she brought us the change.

What is so special about all this? Why is it funny? It isn't - it is just an example to prove that occasionally, things in Indonesia can go perfectly right. And the pizza was delicious as well!

Tuesday, 24th June 2001

There is a brand new hotel in town, and what else does an expat wife do but go for lunch? So a trip to Hotel Gran Senur is in order....

The first obstacle is drinks. One person ordered iced water, whilst the rest ordered water with no ice. What we got is one bottle of cold aqua, and 2 bottles of warm aqua....

And then the menu arrives, and I was really excited to see 'Avocado Vinegrette' as an appetizer - I haven't seen avocado for a year. Unfortunately, neither had the hotel, and it was 'tidak ada' (not available). So were the samosas.

Oh well - just a main course then. I ordered Spaghetti Marinara, and my friend ordered a Smoked Beef and Cheese Sandwich (the waitress asked whether she wanted the beef rare, medium or well done, and was completely confused with the answer of 'medium rare' - us expats never learn). An hour later, the food arrived. Mine was Spaghetti Carbonara, and the sandwich had no cheese or bread, just a few chips and 3 slices of smoked beef, which was from a packet, and had not seen a frying pan for a long, long time.... RWYA!

Thursday, 14th June 2001

A chance to celebrate the 7th Anniversary of Balikpapan's premier hotel, which offers 'Thai hospitality' from a French manager. The new promotion involves staff members wearing badges, depending on which department they work in. So, the girls who work in the restaurant wear 'Dine with me' badges, the girls in the Borneo Bar (nightclub) wear 'Dance with me badges, and others still wear 'Relax with me' badges. Have pity for those (presumably chambermaids) who have to wear badges saying 'Sleep with me'.... maybe the Thai hospitality is going a bit too far....RWYA

Saturday, 9th June 2001

For single expatriates it is worth becoming acquainted with the simple Indonesian conversation, which you may encounter with any Indonesian female. You should expect to hear three things: you can vary your response, but be aware that it will have no bearing on the outcome of the conversation.

First: Have you been in Indonesia long?

Second: Are you married?

Third: I love you!

with many thanks to Emmanuel Boudoin

Thursday, 7th June 2001

Another sighting of unusual wildlife. Whilst we were sat in the lounge, I heard a tapping against the patio door, which I assumed was just a cat... Wrong! It was, in fact, a monitor lizard. Now, we are quite used to lizards - there are always geckos running around the house, eating flies and generally climbing the walls - but they are never bigger than about 3 inches. This lizard however was between 2 and 3 feet long. Trust me, "it was this big!"....RWYA

Monday, 28th May 2001

A conversation in the airport:

Expat: Excuse me, is the plane running on time?

Airport official: Yes, it will leave today.

And it did...RWYA

with many thanks to Linda Febvre.

Wednesday, 16th May 2001

Very occasionally, it is important to remember that RWYA does not only refer to those irritations (funny or otherwise) which are uniquely Indonesian, but that there are some truly wonderful sights and things to see, even in Balikpapan, which remind you just how far away you are from Blighty. For example, today I saw my first primate in Borneo - whilst driving past the oil refinery in Balikpapan, I saw a monkey stood by the side of the road. But on the subject of wildlife, yesterday I saw my first rat.... a big black b****** scurrying past the supermarket (Hero). Take the rough with the smooth, and RWYA

Saturday, 5th May 2001

The Rupiah - Dollar exchange rate is crashing through the floor, so now is the time to buy any big purchase, before the prices go up to compensate. So, Alex decided to buy a pair of glasses, at a fraction of UK prices. The ones Alex liked the best were the 'frameless' type, but the assistant kept saying they weren't suitable, because the lenses required by his prescription would be too thick for the frame. We were just about to leave the shop when I noticed an advert for 'High Index' lenses (which make the lenses thinner). They are easy enough to get in the UK, but we had thought were too sophisticated for Balikpapan, and so we hadn't bothered asking.... which is why the assistant hadn't bothered mentioning them. RWYA

Thursday, 25th April 2001

Another story from Jerome.... A group of expats (including Jerome) found themselves stranded by the oil fields, as the Total bus had failed to pick them up. So, ever resourceful, they took a public bus - 4 people sat in the back, the fifth sat in the front with the driver. During a lull in conversation, the expat in the front said "I can see the road." The expats in the back said "well, that must be reassuring, at least you can see where we are going. "No" the expat in the front said, "When I look down I can see the road - through the floor of the bus!!!"....RWYA, and they all arrived back in Balikpapan safely.

Saturday, 7th April 2001

Although this happened a while ago, we have only just remembered about it (it's not one for the delicate of stomach).... One night, Alex had a bit too much to drink at the Hash, came home and was a little bit sick. Unfortunately, Alex's aim wasn't the best, and the computer magazine, which was by the side of the bed was caught in the crossfire, so the next day, I threw it away. Now, in Indonesia, nothing is wasted. Anything we put into the bin is scrutinised by the staff to check whether it may be useful... including this magazine. Two days later, our gardener / security guard (who cannot speak a word of English, and has probably never seen a computer) was seen browsing through the crusty pages of a top level computer magazine....RWYA

Saturday, 7th April 2001

Whilst watching (but not listening - there is no sound on the TV) England beat France in the Six Nations Rugby, we decided that we did indeed have the munchies. Earlier in the week, I had given Sutarmi (our pembantu) a half empty tub of 'Cookies and Cream' flavour Haagen-Daz, because we didn't like the flavour, but this left Rum and Raisin, Mocha Chocolate Chip, Pistachio and Double Chocolate Chip waiting in the freezer. However, when we got to the freezer, the freezer was bare, with no Haagen-Daz to be found. it seems that although I had given Sutarmi one tub, she had assumed she could take all the tubs... which represents approximately 1 weeks wages for her. ..... Unfortunately, I have no-one to blame - it is all my fault because I didn't check exactly what she was taking home. Which leaves me still with the munchies, and the nearest supplier of Haagen-Daz ice cream many hundreds of miles away in Jakarta......RWYA (and join me in sobbing quietly)

Sunday, 1st April 2001

Foot and Mouth hits Balikpapan....on hearing the news that the UK is facing an epidemic of Foot and Mouth disease, the authorities here have begun taking precautions...everyone who lands at Balikpapan airport from Singapore is questioned as to whether they have been in the UK over the past year. If they have, they are asked to stand in a bucket of "disinfectant" (which to our knowledge has never been changed) for five minutes. On completion of this process, the visitor is deemed to be "clean" and allowed to continue on through customs.....RWYA

Tuesday, 27th March 2001

A cautionary tale to illustrate just how careful you have to be when explaining something to an Indonesian. One of the (bridge playing) expats wanted a cloth made for her card table, with a motif from hearts, clubs, diamonds and spades. She showed the seamstress what she wanted, and everything seemed OK. Unfortunately, the seamstress had run out of black and red fabric, so she improvised: the hearts and diamonds were brown, and the clubs and spades were pink....RWYA

with many thanks to Dawn May.

Monday, 22nd January 2001

A severe shortage of food in the house has driven me out to Hero, Balikpapan's closet equivalent to Sainsbury's. As ever, there wasn't much food that was appealing, but I decided to buy a tin of tuna. When I picked it up, I felt something brush my hand, which on closer inspection looked like mouse droppings.... The cat which usually sits near the meat counter obviously wasn't doing its job very well....RWYA

Monday, 25th December 2000

It appears that Myanmar (Burma) can give Indonesia a run for its money in the race for civilisation. In 1962, the government decided to switch from driving on the right hand side of the road, to driving on the left hand side. A fantastic idea, except that even 39 years on, 95% of the cars in the country are still right hand drive - even those that are brand new! It seems that overtaking is quite tricky there....RWYA

Tuesday, 12th December 2000

A little story from the Old Folks Home in Balikpapan. One of the residents is very ill with tuberculosis, and needs hospital care. However, it is the month of Ramadan, and people who die in Ramadan get a 'free pass' to salvation. Therefore, he refused to go to hospital because he didn't want to get better and miss his chance of salvation, and no amount of persuasion would make him go. Unfortunately, he died.... shortly after the end of Ramadan (and lost his free pass) ...RWYA

with many thanks to Jean Eggie.

Friday, 8th December 2000

Friday afternoons are great for having a couple of beers in Jacks Place, a beachside bar in Balikpapan. However, today an order of 'Bintang' (dubious Indonesian beer) was met with "I'll just pour it into this cappuccino mug for you". Were there no glasses left? Was this a quirky new practice in Jacks? No - Jack isn't licensed to sell beer during Ramadan, and this is the only way around it ....RWYA

Monday, 4th December 2000

One of the neighboring pembantus had started to bring us some cinnamon rolls from time to time, which I thought was very generous... however today's plate came with a catch. Would I like to buy a potted fir tree for Christmas? It was only 100,000 Rp (about ten pound), and the pembantu would leave it in the garden whilst I decided. A dilemma.... should I say no, offend the pembantu and get no more cinnamon rolls; or buy the tree and be pestered for ever more with offers of useless purchases? I decided to say no... and asked our own pembantu to make the cinnamon rolls!!

Wednesday, 29th November 2000

Time to pay for our holiday, and so a trip to the bank is required to transfer some money. Unfortunately, I have a letter which gives me (as a wife) the authority to withdraw $1000 from Alex's account, but I need $1100. When the cashier mentions this to me, I ask her if I can make two transfers, one for $1000 and one for $100; she replies "certainly Mrs McCall"..... RWYA

Wednesday, 4th October 2000

A conversation in Yogjakarta, Java:

Waiter: Would you like a drink sir?

Scottish Expat: Do you have any whisky?

Waiter: A Javanese whisky...?

Scottish Expat: Um.. no, a Scottish whisky... as in Scotch...

...RWYA

with many thanks to Bill Banner.

Friday, 8th September 2000

A trip for Alex to the oil rigs on the Mahakam river delta. Thankfully, there are western style toilets (no need for squatting!), with a very thoughtful sign, showing Indonesian people how to use them.... RWYA

Monday, 17th July 2000

The two hour speedboat trip from Derawan to Berau sees many families traveling to the mainland, to buy supplies. But they rarely have the luxury of a speedboat, instead they have a 6 hour journey each way in a 'phut-phut' boat: the parents are at the back, steering; a young man is at the front, looking out for the logs that litter the river; and a little boy is in the middle, scooping out the water that leaks into the boat.... RWYA

Friday, 14th July 2000

Travel in Borneo is often done by plane, because the island is so remote. But the planes may not be what you are used to - our scheduled flight from Balikpapan to Berau was on a tiny plane, with broken seatbelts and missing life-vests, and very little room to store luggage. But none of this matters - because there is plenty of space to stack all the packages and luggage, right in front of the emergency exits....

Friday, 14th July 2000

	Conversation midway through flight from Balikpapan to Berau: Alex: Sophie, is the pilot asleep? Sophie: No, he's just reading his newspaper. Alex: Oh, that's OK then.
View from our seat; pilots and 'Emergency Exits'...

Thursday, 13th July 2000

Our second attempt to get Indonesian Driving Licenses - should have been a formality of filling in a form, having a photo taken, and giving the usual thumb print. Instead, Alex has to have a medical - an official fills in a form while the man from Total hands over some money. Because of a 'new regulation', Sophie has to have a driving test, which involves reverse parking five times, and then completing a slalom course in reverse gear. All this is done with the windows open, as the officials want to shout directions, and with the thermometer in the car reading 40°C. The man from Total can't understand why Sophie has to do a driving test, after all, he 'paid them enough money'....RWYA

Friday, 30th June 2000

Sophie: Would you like a drink

Indonesian friend of our driver: Yes

Sophie: What would you like? Coke or Sprite?

Indonesian friend of our driver: Yes

Sophie: Which one?

Indonesian friend of our driver: Yes

etc, etc, etc......RWYA

Tuesday, 20th June 2000

A trip to Immigration and the Police Station, to fill in the forms required for our visas, and have our fingerprints taken. The first observation is that although there are at least 15 desks and 5 more offices, there is only one (very, very old) computer, 2 rusty typewriters and only one telephone. Now have a quick look around your office, and compare...

And so to fingerprinting. Once four sets of prints have been taken, we are allowed to wash our hands. There is a bucket of cold water in the corner of the room, with a pot (like an old margarine carton) of liquid soap (covered in a scrap of carrier bag) by the side. To dry your hands, you have a towel, or rather a piece of cloth which has never been washed, and so is covered with black marks from previous 'hand washings'. And don't think you can avoid this procedure - there is a surly official watching you...RWYA

Saturday, 17th June 2000

A romantic meal for two in the Blue Sky Hotel - one of Balikpapan's finest. Before the food is served, the restaurant is plunged into darkness, due to a lightning strike. Alex's pasta arrives and is eaten well before Sophie's pizza, which has limited resemblance to a pizza. Do we complain in true McCall fashion, or ask for a discount? Of course not! This is what eating out in Indonesia is all about!

Thursday, 24th May 2000

There are two flights from Jakarta to Balikpapan, leaving within an hour of each other. The tannoy announces that the first of these flights has been cancelled. Crowds of Indonesians swamp the desk - not in the hope of transferring to the other flight, but to take up the offer of free rice....RWYA (Needless to say, the expats transfer to the other flight!)

With many thanks to Stuart Davidson.

Monday, 4th May 2000

Time for a bite to eat in Canadian '2 for 1' Pizza Restaurant. Whilst waiting for the pizza to be served, Sophie is thinking 'I won't mention to Alex that there is a cat in the kitchen, it might put him off his food'. Alex is simultaneously thinking 'I won't mention to Sophie that there is a 3 inch cockroach above her head, it might put her off her food'.... In fact, the pizza tasted delicious, and this experience hasn't stopped us from visiting this restaurant - it may not be Pizza Hut, but it's the best Pizza place in Balikpapan (although it goes without saying that you don't get 2 for 1...RWYA!!)

Tuesday, 18th April 2000

Conversation with man in shop:

Man: Where you from?

Alex: England

Man: Ah! Manchester United!!!!

Thursday, 13th April 2000

A rainy day in Balikpapan - but life still goes on. But how is a man able to get around town when it is raining constantly? The same as always, of course! On his motorbike, with his wife sitting side-saddle behind him holding the shopping, and their small child (or children) sandwiched between them. The only difference is that they are all wearing helmets, and he is carrying his umbrella in his left hand.... RWYA

Sunday, 2nd April 2000

How many people are needed to drive a truck in Indonesia? Usually at least three, but more often six. One behind the wheel driving it properly, one on the cabin as a replacement for indicator lights that are missing, and the last one is in charge of the machete and the spade... When the truck breaks down, the latter will jump off and look for a stone, possibly extracted with the spade in order to stop the truck from rolling down the hill, because of an absence of brakes... Then he will cut tree branches, palms or whatever he can find to mark the presence (no need to mention the warning triangle is missing...) of the wreck, which is usually left in the middle of the road where the incident took place. He thereby signals and prevents any other vehicle crashing into the three wheel truck, because all other occupants have taken the broken wheel to the nearest repair stand. The three, possible additional crew are there to watch the replacing of the wheel, which takes at least one half day.... RWYA

with many thanks to Jerome Besnehard